Holding On
by pook
Summary: An episode add on, set immediately after the end of ‘Cold Fusion’
1. Chapter 1

**Holding On**

******Pairing:** Grace/Boyd

******Rating:** T PG13+

******Summary:** An episode add on, set immediately after the end of 'Cold Fusion'

******Author's notes:** Special thanks to CatS81 for the beta

******Disclaimer:** Waking the Dead belongs to the BBC. I'm taking them for a walk around the block and back.

* * *

******Ch****apter 1:**

Boyd knelt behind Spence looking for the bullet wounds. Although there was a lot of blood on his shirt, it wasn't difficult to find where McQueen had shot him.

"Oh Spence, you've ruined your favourite shirt." Boyd smiled weakly.

Boyd grabbed his jacket and pressed it firmly against the oozing exit wound with one hand while his other hand covered the smaller entry wound, trying to stem the flow of blood. It seeped through his fingers but there wasn't much else he could do.

Boyd looked down at his DI. Spence looked like hell because he'd ignored Boyd's call for him to wait for back up and done what any half decent DI would do, he'd pursued a line of enquiry. But there was that little but ever-growing nagging doubt in Boyd's mind that if he'd only tried a little harder, to convince Spence not go alone to Clifford Day's place then he wouldn't have been shot and there wouldn't be two dead bodies lying in front of him.

Normally, Boyd didn't second guess himself. Normally, he was comfortable with his decisions. But that went out the window as soon as things went pear shaped. And then things really started to spiral out of control in his mind.

Boyd was his boss. And he'd failed Spence. And now Spencer Jordan lay bleeding beside him.

Just like he'd failed his son. Joe had run away and turned to drugs because he hadn't been there for him.

Just like he'd failed Mel. Mel had died because he'd hadn't seen the danger of her going to Carney's flat, alone.

It was his job to protect his son and his team.

All of them.

And he'd failed them.

Now Mel was gone forever. Joe was gone. Frankie had quit. Felix had been hurt. And Spencer was lying here shot and possibly dying before his eyes.

Just like Mel had done.

In his mind, the awful sound of Mel crashing on to the windscreen of his Lexus mixed with the sounds of gunshots that happened in Jerwood Estate were jumbled together with dreadful images of Mel lying on the road, brains and blood leaking out of her that were also interspersed with images of Spence's blood leaking over his hands.

A weak groan from Spence brought Boyd out of his self-wallowing, guilt and his growing nausea under control. He had to stay in control. To help Spence.

It didn't last long.

"Shit! Where the fuck is the ambulance?" Boyd yelled to himself.

No one was going to answer him. He looked at Drake – he was dead, lying on the damp tarmac. And the man he'd shot in the chest, Tom McQueen, lay spread-eagled in front of him, also dead.

"Hold on, Spence." Pressing a bit harder on Spence's wounds, Boyd looked left and right down the access road, willing the ambulance to hurry up and pleading for him to survive. "Don't you dare die on me, Spence."

_TBC_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: see chapter 1_

**Chapter 2**

Sighing, Grace wrapped her fingers around her cup, savouring the calming smell of the tea. Her sense of peace didn't last long as her thoughts turned to Spence. She hoped he was all right. All she could do was to wait for the phone call from Boyd.

When Bill Drake had finally come clean, he'd taken Boyd to Jerwood Lane Industrial Estate, but just before they'd left, Boyd had told Grace that they were going to find Spence and as far as they knew he was still alive but the look on the ATO commander's face had told her something different. Boyd had been giving her hope but the resignation on Drake's face had told her that he knew it probably wasn't true. She could only hope that Boyd was right.

From her office, Grace looked across at the squad room. Unfamiliar faces in black uniforms still filled the squad room. There were no CCU personnel out there. Felix was resting in her lab and Stella sat on Grace's couch, staring blankly at a wall, obviously lost in thought. The ATO lads had nearly finished packing away their equipment, after finding out the bomb was largely inert.

Scoffing, Grace had to wonder what Felix would say to that. She'd taken the full brunt of the attack and was lucky that it had only been a super charged anaesthetic and not something more deadly. In some ways, Felix had been the lucky one to lose consciousness soon after the attack but Stella, Barton, Boyd and Grace had no idea what chemical agent had been used and had to wait, locked up in a holding cell, not knowing if they were going to die.

A telephone rang in the squad room.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned toward sound of the phone. An ATO officer handed it over to Drake's 2IC. After a few seconds, the 2IC's face went white as a sheet as the blood drained from his face. Struggling for control, he hung up, gave out some quick orders to two officers to finish cleaning up then raced out of the building followed by several other ATO men.

Something bad had happened, Grace could tell. The ATO man didn't say anything but everyone in the squad room knew as well.

Then the phone rang in her office.

Grace jumped a little. Not trusting herself, Grace put her cup down and then picked up the phone. "Grace Foley."

"_Grace, it's Boyd." _

Remembering the ATO man ashen look, Grace paused not wanting to know, but nonetheless she had to. "Is Spence …"

Boyd cut her off. _"He's alive." _

She began to breathe again. "Where are you?"

"_Jerwood Lane." _

Through the phone, in the background, Grace could hear police sirens growing steadily louder as they came toward Boyd's location and it became hard to hear him. "Is he okay?"

"_No. __He's gone to St Peter's Hospital"_

"I'll meet you there." He had to be all right. Hold on, Spence,Grace pleaded to herself as her panic rose.

There was a pause before Grace barely heard his response.

"_I can't."_

Why hadn't he gone with Spence? Maybe it had something to do with why the ATO lads had rushed out. Had there been another incident? But Grace had more important things to worry about. Spence and Boyd. Boyd had been far too quiet. It was understandable considering everything that had happened today but this was something more. Boyd sounded numb and now Grace was worried. "Are you all right?"

Silence.

In the background, Grace heard screeching tyres. The police cars had arrived.

"_I've got to go." _

"Boyd?" She wanted him to tell her more but he hung up. Grace contemplated what to do. She should wait for Boyd to call her again. "Bollocks to that." Grace muttered under her breath. If it was good enough for the ATO lads to go then it was good enough for her. After telling Felix and Stella, she grabbed her coat and handbag and left CCHQ.

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: see chapter 1_

**Chapter 3**

Grace turned into Jerwood Lane Industrial Estate to find four police cars, an ambulance, two ATO vans and several civilian cars parked haphazardly.

Finding the first available space, Grace parked her car and then rifled through her handbag for her CCU ID and mobile. As she approached the scene, a policeman checked her ID and then waved her though.

There was nothing to see. The ATO vans blocked her view.

In front of the vans, uniform PCs stood apart from the black clad ATO men. To one side, she recognized three DPS officers taking statements from individual PCs and ATO men. If the DPS were here in force, it must mean that there had been a major incident involving the police. But she still couldn't see the tall figure of Boyd in the crowd.

As she walked along the parked cars, it was eerily quiet and her sense of unease grew. Even those officers talking to the DPS spoke in hushed tones.

When she walked past the parked vans, she understood why. Swallowing hard, she saw Commander Bill Drake obviously dead, shot in the head, his grey matter leaking out plain to see. Christ! What would Stella think? Her surrogate father had already used her trust and loyalty for his own ends and now he was dead. She hoped that Stella would be able to recover from this day.

A few metres away, Tom McQueen was also dead, shot in the chest. He had been another person who had used one of the team for his own end. Poor Spence. McQueen had been a mate, someone she thought he'd looked up to, almost a hero to Spence because he'd been new to the job when McQueen had been assigned as his partner. He'd betrayed Spence's trust and loyalty too. And now he was dead.

She looked over the scene to try to find out what happened. Had they both fired at the same time killing one another? She couldn't tell. But what she desperately wanted to know was what had happened to Spence and Boyd.

Boyd had come with Drake so where was he?

Her heart froze when she saw the fire hydrant box.

There was a pool of dark blood of the structure and Boyd's grey suit jacket covered in blood lay next to the box.

Oh, God! She thought. It had to be Spencer's blood but what of Boyd? If Boyd had been shot, he wouldn't have rung her, she wondered stupidly. The shock of seeing all that blood on his jacket had her thinking some strange things. She shook her head to clear her mind. Besides, Boyd hadn't sounded hurt when he'd phoned but then that didn't mean much. It was unlikely that he would tell her any way.

Grace saw the blood trail leading to the door. Someone had dragged themselves out of the door to the box or the other way around. Had Spence dragged himself out here or had Boyd helped him? She didn't know and she really didn't want to go into the building but she had to. She had to know.

Careful not tread on the blood trail, she followed it into the building and stopped at the doorway to an office, gasping at the horrific scene in front of her. Two more bodies. Both shot dead.

One of them she recognized as the electronic bugging expert, Clifford Day. He lay crumpled against a wall. Blood splashed on the wall above his body. Had he been standing when he'd been shot and then slid down? It was possible. The other body was several metres away from Day's. An unidentified white male shot in the chest. Grace knew it sounded callous but they didn't really matter to her. She was here to find Boyd.

There was a small amount of blood in between the bodies and it appeared to be the origin of the blood trail that she'd followed into this room. It didn't look to belong to Day or the other man. It must have been from Spence. Shuddering, Grace wondered even if he was alive. There was just so much blood here in this office and from the blood trail that connected the pool of blood here to the one outside by the hydrant.

"Shit…." Grace swore under her breath. What had happened here? Four bodies. All shot dead. No wonder the others had been outside, waiting for the DPS to take over the investigation. It was a nightmare.

But where was Boyd? Again, she questioned herself whether Boyd had been shot. She didn't think so but there was certainly enough blood to indicate that was a possibility. In the rational part of her mind, she realized that he'd told her that he had to stay and it was unlikely that he'd been hurt but that didn't stop the endless horrific possibilities that flooded her mind one after the other.

Grace quickly left the room, now determined more than ever to find him.

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: see chapter 1_

**Chapter 4**

"Excuse me, ma'am. This is a crime scene." On hearing footsteps, a young PC stepped into the corridor from the next office down the hallway.

Walking up to the PC, Grace showed him her CCU ID. "I'm Dr Foley, Cold Case Squad."

The PC checked her ID. "Can I help you, ma'am?"

"Have you seen DSI Boyd?"

The PC pointed over his shoulder. "Ma'am, the DSI is in there." The PC knew that the man was the OC of the Cold Case unit but that was about all.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" Grace could only guess what state he'd be in so she wanted this meeting to be private and she knew Boyd would want it too.

"No problem." The PC was relieved for the change of scenery, standing in the office, by the doorway with nothing to look at or nobody to speak to was boring. The DPS DCS told him to get Boyd in here to keep him out of harm's way in case the ATO boys went feral after they'd seen their commander with his brains blown out and thinking that Boyd had done it.

"Thank you." She went through the doors and to her left, leaning against the wall, sat a motionless DSI Boyd. His head resting back against the wall, his eyes closed with one leg outstretched and the other bent, his pants torn below the right knee. But he was breathing. He was alive.

Relieved, Grace approached Boyd slowly and knelt beside him. Tentatively, she asked, "Boyd?" Looking like hell, all pale and drained with his hair has messed up, his shirt covered in red blood, as were his hands. Her gaze fixed on his lilac shirt, splattered with blood and she struggled to hide her gasp.

Boyd hadn't moved a muscle.

Grace tried again. "Are you okay?"

When she still didn't get a response she touched his arm, gently shaking it. "Boyd?"

For a second he sat there not moving, barely breathing. Someone had touched him but he didn't know who it was. His mind was a blank and he had trouble focusing. Eventually, Boyd recognized Grace's voice. "Sorry?"

Grace rubbed his arm. "Are you okay?"

The rubbing of his arm seemed to breathe life into Boyd again. "I'm fine." But he was completely numb and even had trouble remembering why she'd even asked why he was okay.

Searching his face, not believing that for a second but she didn't say anything. To Grace, he responded like a robot, devoid of any emotion. Now was not the time to question him about that. But that didn't stop her having a good look to see if he was all right.

His mind finally registered the anxious look etched on her face. It brought him out of his haze because he didn't want to her to be worried about him. He wasn't hurt badly. Spence was. "It's not mine." He patted his leg where his pants were torn and blood soaked though the grey material. "Well, this is mine but the rest is Spence's."

"Spence?"

"He was shot. Twice."

Grace winced. She knew that Spence had been wounded but only now did she realize how badly. She whispered, "Will he be all right?"

"Don't know. The ambulance took him. I tried to…" Boyd's voice faltered as he struggled to get the words out.

"I know."

"I couldn't go with him. I wanted to. I had to stay," pleaded Boyd.

"Boyd, I understand."

"There were guns and the bodies. I couldn't leave them."

She really did understand his duty. He was the only one left alive at the warehouse after the ambulance had taken Spence away. "Boyd…" With his every word, Boyd begged her for her understanding. He had her understanding and so much more but in the state he was in, he just wasn't listening to her.

"The DPS needed to know what happened…"

She squeezed his arm to reassure him. "I understand. Really."

"What am I …" He stopped. He couldn't continue. What has he going say to Spence's parents? How was he going to explain it to them? He still had nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat because he had to tell Mel's parents that she'd died. It had been the hardest thing he'd ever done in the Job and he wasn't sure he could do that again.

His fingers on his right hand started to twitch. He couldn't stop it even if he tried. Again, his breathing slowed and everything else went blank again as his mind fixated on his trembling hand.

Her heart went out to him as he struggled to remain in control, watching him watch his twitching right hand.

Grace took his bloody twitching hand in hers. Surrounding it with hers, holding it, gently squeezing it and she whispered, again and again, "It'll be all right."

Eventually the tremors in his hand lessened as she softly repeated those words.

As his mind focused on her words, his rage grew. Anger had everything that had happened. Anger at all the people hurt. And especially anger at the part that he'd played in this debacle.

He pulled his hands away, not deserving her comfort. "How can you know?" She hadn't seen the blood. Spencer's blood was on his hands right now. She hadn't seen McQueen shoot Spence or Drake. He had. He'd shot and killed McQueen. So how could she possibly know?

He turned away from her, disgusted with Drake, McQueen, Day but more importantly himself. He couldn't believe it that he was falling apart over this. Just look at his stupid shaking hand. How could he be so weak? He couldn't explain why now. He'd seen people die before, many right in front of him. He'd seen fellow officers shot before. He'd shot and killed a person before. Why now? He had no answers. All he had was his trembling hand to remind him of how weak he'd become. And of how he'd failed his team. All of them. And he wondered if he would be able to the Job anymore.

The look of despair on Boyd's face nearly broke Grace's heart. She had to do something to convince him that everything would be okay.

Grace cupped his face, forcing Boyd to look at her. "I don't know, Peter, but we'll get through it." She could see the hopelessness, the worry, the guilt and confusion written all over his face. It was perfectly understandable. She just hoped that he would hold on and not give into it. Leaning toward him until they were very close, just a couple of inches apart, she wanted to leave him in no doubt that she meant what she was about to say. "Together. Like we've always done."

Looking into her eyes, seeing the conviction plastered all over her face, he had no answer to her forthright statement. She was right and with this realization, his anger dissipated as quickly as it had risen but now he was embarrassed about getting angry with her. She didn't deserve that from him and tried to apologize. "Grace…"

"It's all right, Peter." She relaxed her grip on his face sensing that his rage had dissipated. They'd have to talk but that could wait until after they'd gone to the hospital. Her thumb tenderly stroked his cheek for a few moments, soothing him. "Let's go to St Peter's Hospital. To see Spence and get your leg checked out." She knew he wouldn't go to hospital just for himself.

Grace stood back up, helped Boyd to his feet, and then pulled him into her arms, embracing him. Again, she repeated her promise that they'd get through this. "Together, Peter."

"Okay." Peter wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, "Thank you." Grace understood him and what he needed and that he'd be forever grateful to her, for everything. After kissing her lightly, he let her go.

Grace smiled, her heart fluttered at the continuing tingling sensation on her lips after he kissed her - just like after every other time he kissed her. "Come on. Let's go." Grace ushered him out of the office into the hallway.

The change in Boyd's demeanour was immediate to Grace. As soon as he saw the policeman in the hallway, Boyd had squared his shoulders and walked confidently passed the officer and out of the warehouse like it was any other crime scene and he wasn't covered in Spence's blood.

It was all for show because Grace knew how much he cared about his team, the work they did and how deeply it affected him. This day had tested all the team and it was going to take some time to process it all but she was in no doubt, that they would survive.

After getting clearance from the DPS to go, Grace and Boyd left for the hospital, together.

_fin_


End file.
